our air conditioning is broken, and i was stuck in the house all day waiting for some dude to fix it. i finally decided i was gonna go to the gym for air and human contact. i did my thing, and when i was done, i started stretching. i looked up and noticed that all of the trainers were in the corner, talking, and looking at me. finally, ryan, a trainer, comes up to me and says, “hey, do you wanna be a guinea pig for us…?” perhaps foolishly, i decide to do it.

so he walks me to this corner, and there’s a massage bed surrounded by a bunch of big dudes. no girls. awkward begins.

the lead guy says, “ok, we’re gonna see what’s wrong with her.” i’m sorry, what? so he has me do some weird test, and they all look at me making, “hmmm,” noises. he then asks, “can you tell what’s wrong with her?” to which they all reply, “oh yeah, definitely.” they start listing off a bunch of things that are apparently wrong with me.

then he tells me to lay down on the bed. the awkward continues. they look at everything. random stretching.

he explains that they should never touch my ass, or my tits. they all nod, reassuringly.

they start doing trigger point testing. they poke me and wait for it to hurt. when i say, “ow!” they cheer. apparently, a good thing.

finally, after literally being poked and prodded and talked about, they say, “ok, you can leave now.” i walk away, slightly feeling like a hooker.

*awkward*